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SENTRY JOURNAL » Uncategorized » McCain-Murkowski Disease

McCain-Murkowski Disease

There’s a terrible worm that festers within the Republican body; a parasite that lies dormant, initially has benign side effects, and yet poisons the life blood and cripples the body.  It is an infection created by the opposition, incubated by the media, and improperly handled by us.  The traditional medical term is Dysmoderatia, also known as McCain-Murkowski disease.  The side effects are mild during onset, but can be fatal in final stages.

 The infection begins in the head where it can lie inactive for months to years.  After this latent incubation period it moves from the frontal lobes of the brain, down the spinal cord and into the torso and limbs.  Its first clinical signs start at the base limbs where the muscles dystrophy and the individuals become bed ridden.  In order to try and contain the infection amputations are usually ordered.  With the base limbs gone, the individual is bedridden and therefore at risk for embolisms, necrotic sores, obesity, pneumonia, and aspiration.  The infection traveling in the spinal fluid now attacks the spinal cord and spine itself leading to complete loss of spinal function.  The heart and breathing rates slow and the individual relies on several types of medication. 

As the disease continues to proliferate, the body’s defense mechanisms put their energies into protecting the vital areas found in the middle of the body and the head.  The disease takes the path of least resistance and attacks more vulnerable organs like the eyes and ears leaving the patient blind and deaf.  At this point the entire immune system is weakened and soon the body completely relies on tube feeding, ventilation, and a large amount of drugs.  If the infection gets to this point, the prognosis is fatal. 

There is no known cure for McCain-Murkowski disease, but the illness is easily preventable with early detection, proper lower limb utilization, optimistic conviction, and a healthy conservative diet.  People at risk include those who watch hours of television, eat government cheese, and collapse on exertion. 

Help get the word out regarding early screening so that we don’t fall victim to this disease.


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