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Arlen’s Steamy Senate Secrets

When attempting to come up with material for a humorous post few things are more valuable than the Huffington post.  It is a gold mine of absurdities that liberals focus on.  Their giant headline currently has Arlen Specter’s mug with the sentence, “GOP Hurt ‘Terribly’ By War On Women’s Rights”.  Allow me to point out a few amusing aspects of this headline. 

First, this is a headline that literally quotes one word from Specter and writes the rest in to make it seem like a quote.  Is it accurate?  Sure, that’s what he meant – but it is somewhat pathetic. “Terribly”

Second, it is highly ironic that Specter is being leaned on to promote “women’s rights” after releasing his “steamy memoir” that creepily spoke of Sarah Palin as little more than an intelligent piece of meat.

“Still, she [Sarah Palin] was a total charmer, very friendly. The few things she said were intelligent. We were sitting virtually knee to knee in the cramped bus, and she radiated sensuality. Her skirt rode above her knees — not exactly short, but close.”

I wonder if he actually heard anything she said.  It seems he was more focused on whether or not that skirt was Catholic school legal (not exactly, but close…If I had my ruler handy I would give you exact measurements.  Did I mention we almost touched *loosens collar*).

Arlen’s creepiness is embraced by the left because he is a hero to them.  It wouldn’t matter if he treated women like Tiger Woods on a European tour, he fights for things the left has deemed “women’s rights”.  Of course, “women’s rights” is just code for “right to abort” and “pay for my contraceptives.”

Arlen was a constant weakling in the Senate whose most valiant act was to finally jump accross the isle to take his rightful spot as a democrat as soon as they held the majority.  It seems that years of sneaking up on congress members and lecturing them about sand’s sturdy foundational attributes was also a good ploy to feed his perverse imagination as seen in this wonderful quote.

“[Sen.] John Thune, who looked like a movie star in or out of clothes, was constantly stretching. His lanky body seemed to have some kinks to iron out.”

What is more disturbing to me than Specter’s strange view of fellow colleagues is that, based on the other quotes that have been released from his memoirs, it seems that he spent all of his time in hot tubs, the gym, or massage tables.  I wonder if Clodius and Milo spent as much time in the bath house…

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